Wednesday
Nov202013
A Few Things I've Learned from Living in France, In No Particular Order
11.20.2013
- To wear skirts again.
- Fifteen ways to wear a scarf.
- To embrace cold weather.
- To pay attention to seasons for various foods.
- To commiserate with French women on the terrible spatial organization of most large markets in Paris, and the remodel hasn’t changed a thing.
- To weigh vegetables and put little stickers on them before going to the cash register.
- To walk and walk and walk.
- And to sit in cafes, enjoying the theater all around you.
- To live (quite easily) without a car.
- That when your melancholic man says there is only one thing that prevents his happiness and it is having to drive everywhere, and that if he lived in Paris and could ditch the car, all would be well, you should believe him.
- That when you tell him you cannot live without your entire library, and that giving away 2/3rds of it will simply mean that you’ll have to replace it all after you move, he should believe you.
- To say goodbye to Marley, and accept that no other cat will do.
- That your greatest fear about living in another country, losing touch with family and friends, is easily solved by airplanes, phone calls, e-mail and Facebook.
- That having international friends is a good idea.
- That the street art scene is the most alive visual art in France now, and perhaps in most of the western world.
- That it is possible to understand a French washing machine by living with it for three years, consulting a plumber twice, and having a Darty technician come to your home and explain that two soap tablets in the tray are appropriate for a regular wash, but only one can be used for a delicate cycle, and must be placed, not in the tray, but in the machine, and then the water will not leak all over the floor.
- There is no cure for the French dryer sounding like a jet airplane taking off.
- There is no cure for the French love of bureaucracy.
- It takes a year to stop sampling all 365 French cheeses before you can respect your arteries and get a grip.
- You can laugh at your doctor when she laughs at you for suggesting that sugar might be bad for your health. After all, she is French.
- You can finally listen to your L.A. healer, Dr. Mao, and substitute green tea for coffee and still write.
- You can write through grief, you can keep working in spite of losing the woman with whom you are closest on earth, your sister, Jane.
- Socialism is fantastic for mothers and families and anyone who is vulnerable (let’s just say, most of us), but it’s not good for entrepreneurs.
- But the French are right, you need to take weekends off and you need to, regularly, get out of town.
- There are cultures where literature is so important that you can hear it discussed by writers and critics every night on TV if you want.
- Ancient is beautiful, and living in a modern city in harmony with the beauty of the distant past increases the power of a place.
- Paris is our city, but the U.S. is our country. We can see our own country more clearly from afar, its craziness (guns, greed, hubris and politics), but also its beauty (energy, resourcefulness, freedom of expression, warmth).
tagged Americans, France, Maoshing Ni, books, cafes, cars, fashion, health in Paris Life
Americans, France, Maoshing Ni, books, cafes, cars, fashion, health in Paris Life
Reader Comments (25)
Ah, to be able to walk like that again. In LA, forget it! During the seven years I lived in Boston I did not have a car. Walking was a fact of life, a ritual, a pleasure. You are blessed.
Lovely heartfelt nuance, Kaaren!
Stuart,
I remember that from living in Cambridge, Massachusetts--no need for a car. However, you do live in one of the greatest walkable communities in the country, Venice, California. Now, if only L.A. would get some good mass transit, quickly.
About being blessed: yes, we are, and so are you. We're alive.
Hugs from us,
Kaaren & Richard
Scott,
Thank you so much. I love hearing that from a writer who knows nuance.
Still so moved by your and Brenda's coming to Jane's memorial celebration.
Much love,
Kaaren & Richard
What an absolute joy, Kaaren and Richard! Thank you for these words and images.
The joy is ours, Tara, from hearing your appreciation! Thank you so much.
Bisous,
Kaaren & Richard
Ahhh, I just love the whole list of your wonders of being so alive in Paris. Must say, I have a longing for this kind of culture and to be right in the center of it all. Rich, rich.
Yes, Venice (CA) is wonderful …although, if you aren't right at the epicenter of the action one still has to be so specific about selecting where to go and when, then get in the car, drive, park. etc.... It takes the visceral spontaneity out of discovery and (for me) there isn't a feeling that I am a part of everything. It's snippets and bits. There you step out of the door and you are in the stream. And, there IS a wisdom to what is ancient and worn by centuries in a city. A palimpsest of human interaction…it resonates in the stone, underpins everything. What is "old" is good…even women "of a certain age" are honored. You know what LA LA Land is like; all glittery, fit and the same. Here, we somehow don't even know what a weekend is and don't "get away." Our choice I'm sure but there's IS a never changing time stream that I'll have to learn to break free from.
OK, it's raining today and perhaps I'm a bit glum. I'm buoyed by imagining my self there sitting in a cafe and strolling to Shakespeare and Co then off to a fabulous dinner passing art on walls on the way. Thanks for the reverie.
XO,
Joanne
Thanks so much, Joanne. The biggest change for us has been in how easy it is to get around in Paris, on foot, by bus, by Metro and occasionally cab. It's probably the number one thing that makes a city livable.
Taking weekends off is something I'm just learning to do. It's definitely influenced by the French genius for having as many holidays as possible, a stunning amount of time spent regenerating, compared to the U.S. I think it's not just good for the spirit, for life, it's good for renewing your relationship to your work.
That said, the weather here has been gloomy, rainy and cold. Don't mind the cold but the rain, arghhhh.
Of the many places I've lived in the U.S., the most alive communities were in Berkeley and Los Angeles. All you need is a good Metro in L.A. In the meantime, come and visit!
Much love,
Kaaren & Richard
Would LOVE to visit. April in Paris? Worth a dream. 2014 will be my year.
Actually, as it turns out, Stuart and I have been invited to Palm Springs for the Thanksgiving week by dear friends who are renting a beautiful 4 bedroom Mid Century Modern house with all the luxuries. It wouldn't be my first choice of vacation spots but chance has dropped this wonderful opportunity to celebrate with friends so, at last, getting out of town. ;-). It will be an new adventure and set a new trend of what's to come.
Happy Thanksgiving - however you celebrate it.
XO,
Joanne
Hi Joanne,
Coming to Paris in summer would be better. It can be still cold and rainy in April.
Palm Springs for Thanksgiving sounds great. Midcentury modern house? I grew up in one of those in desert like that.
We will be exploring a new city (for us) during Thanksgiving week. More about that in a later post.
Happy feasting!
XO,
Kaaren & Richard
#s 19 and 20 made me laugh. #12 is about as true as it gets. I love Europe (plus San Francisco and some cities on the East Coast) because they're human-sized, which Los Angeles most assuredly is not. Pasadena is walkable, but it's more suburban/bucolic than lively: I can walk the mile from home to the center of Old Town Pasadena and see not a living soul on my way (except for the occasional coyote — and no, I don't mean a smuggler of undocumented workers).
And, if it makes you feel any better, darling Kaaren, it's been raining here too, though at the moment there's a break in the action and the sunset is red and gold….
you truly "get" paris and france. it is all that you say and o so much more. perhaps that's why it is so alluring.
Anna!
We're glad we made you laugh! The cultural differences make us laugh, too. And walking for a mile and seeing only a coyote? That sounds very appealing. Reminds me of when I lived in the country in Santa Fe and you could walk all day and only see rabbits, lizards, scrub jays, horses, an occasional coyote, nary a human being.
Yes, we've heard it's been raining all over the world. But you do live in a wonderful city, and I miss seeing you there.
Love,
Kaaren (& Richard)
Jeannette,
Great comment. You've been here longer than we have. Some time, I'd love to make a second list with you. I know we could come up with another 50 things about Paris and France. It keeps on ensorceling us.
Love,
Kaaren & Richard
Dear Kaaren and Richard,
What essential words! Entering another culture when you are young, as you did with Paris, etches something in your heart and soul. Not for everyone but for some of us. India did that to me and I sometimes think I live half-in and half-out of that world. (I go back at the end of January and have room for one or two more adventurous souls on my small tour of South India in case you or any of your friends want to move through another realm of experience).
And do you cook a Turkey in Paris for Thanksgiving? Do the ex-pats get together as a cultural family? Happy Thanksgiving!
Varya
Point 14, the best one :
That having international friends is a good idea.
Oh oui ....
Bises
Patricia
Your list is such eloquent and strong wisdom from your time there, but proving that "wherever you go, there you are," cliched as it is, and that you both bring your wisdom with you, eyes of heart, and so see Paris for us over and over again... all washed and sparkly. Or dark and dusty — but Paris in ever-new light.
And... here's a section from a Paris Sojourn series... starting from watching the TV in our Montmartre pension... in wonder at such a quiz question... It MUST be Paris...
_______________________
Only in Paris could a quiz-show question on TV be
“How many sets of wings on the Seraphim?”
Or the twinkly little old lady I talked to coming down the
steps from the Sacre Coeur cathedral say that
writers and poets bring people new
perceptions and visions of life as she repulsed an
African bracelet salesman by saying “Nyet!” and we
descended the stairs to the sounds of an
ancient carousel tall and light-studded and
calliope-jaunty in the Montmartre dusk
In the Salvador Dali museum with its
black walls and his deep dramatic voice over the
PA system rolling his “r’s” extravagantly
among the phantasmagoric bronzes and splatter-delicate
lithographs of bearded anchorites hobbling out of blotch red cloud or
squirming lovers holding radiant heads in a state of
Catholic ecstasy on the back of a cloud horse
The Eiffel Tower has turned to gold from our
faraway window like the
Seraphim with their three sets of wings
(the correct answer)
presiding over Paris
And various angels with various wings float in the
fog blowing various Renaissance trumpets
as buses and Pugeots grind along the streets down below
and Rilke says “So this is where people come to live –
I would have thought it is a city to die in”
While Nijinsky whom I’ll visit tomorrow God willing in the
Montmartre cemetery of the Sacred Heart
leaps higher in the air than ever in his grave
and actually stays there
____________________________
(from Through Rose Colored Glasses, The Ecstatic Exchange, 2008)
Happy Holidays to you and Richard! Your photos and newly gained knowledge of Paris is so charmingly insightful. We long to visit in winter and WILL sometime soon!
Love from Catherine and Tom
Dear Varya,
Thank you, and yes, it's often true of a place, that encountering it at a certain age can engrave it in your heart. But I felt closer to England as a teenager during the year I spent at Oxford, though Jane and I visited each other while she was at the Sorbonne. And even more so, about Greece. Paris didn't grab me in the deepest way until we came here on our honeymoon. And back again. And again and again.
You and India: that is a real love story. What a great trip it would be to go on one of your tours. I can't think of a better way to be introduced to the country. This coming January won't work for me, but keep us informed about your ongoing tours.
We saw no sign of turkeys in Amsterdam this year. But we did have a great time.
Love to you and Charles,
Kaaren and Richard